i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
