If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
