doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
