drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
