I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
