hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
