She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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