There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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