I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
