There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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