We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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