Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize