; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
