I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
