There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize