She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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