On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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