Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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