saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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