Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
