I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
