You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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