His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
