two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
