I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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