So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
the raccoons are back...
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