I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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