Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
