he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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