I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
