I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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