is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
