Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
