Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize