Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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