I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
