Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All the doctor said was why
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
