This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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