Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dicks are not precious.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
