im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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