I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
