I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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