So drunk its hurt
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
