3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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