Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
