I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Randomize
