If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I understand Curling. That high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
