I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
