Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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