Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
