hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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