It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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