well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
