I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
