I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize