help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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