Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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