Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
