You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
