the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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