u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
