the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
