Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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