It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
