i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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