i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
