im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
