is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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