thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
