I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
