the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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