I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
