Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
