Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
