adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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