I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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