the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize