I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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