3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
