just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We are two peas in an std pod
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
