Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
